You know how folks sometimes send you voice or video files that you can’t watch right now? Because you’re in a meeting and you’ve got no idea what atrocity your friend group has just sent you? Telegram has just come up with a way to get around that, specifically for videos.

And that’s because the company already solved that option for audio files. The most recent update to the app adds the ability to convert videos into text, so you can at least read a transcript before clicking ‘Play’. But there is a slight catch to this — you have to subscribe to Telegram Premium for the privilege.

Telegram for you, sir

That’s not all that the messaging service has to offer from its newest update. There are a few decent touches — the ability to introduce topics to large group discussions, for instance. New emoji packs and an improved Night Mode for iOS users are also part of the update. Android users can also resize their text in chats, in case the old eyes are failing a bit.

But then Telegram falls off the bus a little. The company has introduced something it called ‘collectible usernames’. If that sounds a little like ‘NFTs with extra steps’, you’re absolutely right. Users can have their standard username tied to their account, but it’s also possible to have up to five ‘collectible’ names linked to that same account. So you can flex properly in your respective spheres of influence, we guess?

These usernames are on a blockchain and must be purchased. Once bought, users can link the name(s) to their Telegram account, or sell them to some other ~~sucker~~ user. In order to buy one of these totally-not-pointless usernames, a currency called TON is needed.

And you’ll need a ton of it. At the time of writing, the most expensive username (@doge) would set you back a stunning R9.2 million ($515,000). The cheapest listed (@guarda) is still a substantial R37,500 ($2,100). We’re sure that absolutely nobody is going to regret their purchases at any point in the next few months.