CES is officially over. A weekend filled to the brim with some mind-blowing tech – like Displace’s wireless TV that sticks to walls easier than Spider-Man. Sure, it needs a battery change every six hours. But what baby doesn’t need a change every six hours? Then there’s Withing’s U-Scan device that’s desperate for you to pee on it. Not for anything weird. We promise. That one almost made this list, but we ultimately decided against it. There were weirder products out there. Trust us.
That’s why we’re here. To show off some of the weirdest tech to make its debut at CES 2023.
Charge ‘er up
We’re all going to die. Eventually. But the first entry on this list – the Acer eKinekt Bike Desk – may help you outpace Death’s embrace for just a while longer. Oh, and can charge your laptop too (as long as you’re pedaling).
This isn’t the first time we’ve seen desks that make their users stand, walk, run or even cycle while working. But it is the first time we’ve seen one that’ll charge up your devices at the same time.
The bike is stationary (obviously, although a moving desk probably isn’t far off. CES 2024 anyone?). It’s got a tabletop big enough for a laptop and a phone (that can also be charged using your legs). It’s joined by a cupholder, bag hook, two USB-A ports, two USB-C ports, and a mini-LCD display.
Cycling for an hour straight at 60 RPM will net the user 75W of usable energy. Acer says that its eKinekt Bike Desk will be released in June for $999, or R17,000. Maybe going for a regular old cycle will feel a bit easier.
Getting baked on Twitch
Smart AI-enabled ovens are a thing now because why wouldn’t they be? Samsung’s Bespoke AI Oven is a perfect candidate for this list. Not because of how it cooks – we assume it’ll cook just as well as any other oven – but because of built-in Twitch capabilities. Yes, Twitch capabilities.
The Bespoke AI Oven comes with an internal camera baked in that’s able to recognize “80 different dishes and ingredients”. It can sense what you want it to do. It’ll advise its user on a recommended temperature, time to cook, and suggested mode. EU models will have “burn detection” included too – a rather self-explanatory feature. Why only EU models? ‘Merica, we guess.
But the Bespoke’s real gimmick is its Twitch capabilities. It can use that internal camera to stream what’s going on in your oven to your social media(s). Why you would want that, we don’t know. But it’s certainly a feature. Samsung’s fact sheet says that it’s “great for content creators and avid chefs who want to share their dishes.”
The Bespoke AI oven is only launching in the US and the EU in Q3 2023. Samsung has yet to mention prices for it.
Sssssshhhhhh
Are you tired of people eavesdropping on your conversations in public? Skyted thinks you are, which is why it’s released a mask that’s designed to completely silence the wearer’s voice to the outside world. The only downside? You end up looking like an idiot.
Despite that, the idea is still a good one. The mask completely stops sound from escaping it, keeping your voice exclusive to the call happening within its confines. The project has launched on Kickstarter and still needs backers to make the mask a reality. In the video above, you can see the mask being tested, although it is possible that the demonstrator just pretends to speak in the video. We don’t really know.
Perfect for conventions
If you’ve ever thought “Hey! I’d like to come out of the shower smelling good” then you should probably get better at showering. That’s literally the primary purpose of getting into one. Regardless, Kohler’s new Sprig Shower System will do just that, whether you use soap or not. You should probably use soap.
The Sprig Shower System is an attachment that’ll fit most showers (though Kohler would prefer it was one of theirs) and showers the user (or users, if you’re that cool) in a vitamin-infused scent. You just pop a Sprig pod into the attachment and away you go. Scents include lavender, chamomile, and eucalyptus. An Axe body spray release can’t be far behind.
Kohler has said its system will go on sale sometime in the first quarter of 2023 with a retail price of $120 (R2,000) with pods included. We’re not sure about you, but we may just stick with regular-scented soap and shampoo, thanks.
Getting in on the Tesla action
VW has unveiled its ID.7 Sedan, a car that’s hell-bent on taking Tesla’s business away from them. That tells you that it’s an EV. The difference is that it doesn’t claim that it can drive you around without any help. No, where the ID.7 differs most is the paint job. This isn’t a case of having a different colour than other manufacturers. It’s a case of having 40 different paint jobs, all electronically controllable. At least, that’s what VW claims.
During the unveiling at CES, the ID.7 rocked up to the show coated in red and black shades that turned out to be one huge QR code offering viewers more information about the car. But should you not want your car promoting itself all the time, you can change it. That’s the point. It can change colours at will.
VW has plans to try and take on the EV market in the US, Europe, and China. It’ll do that by having a battery that can get users around 480km on a single charge. Throw in an AR HUD that VW has plonked into the windscreen and they might actually have a shot. Pricing hasn’t been officially confirmed though if it hopes to challenge Elon Musk’s Tesla Model 3, it’ll have to cost around $40k (R700,000) to stand a chance.
Cutting down on reading time
Humanity loves screens. They’re everywhere. The living room, bedroom, cars, and even our bathrooms (for the richer folk). We’re running out of places to put them. So why not put them on a cutting board?
That’s exactly what BLOK did. The idea is simple. Throw a screen on a cutting board. The screen streams cooking classes. That’s about it. The display comes out of the board for simpler cleaning. This begs the question: is this even needed? Couldn’t a hopeful chef just pull out a phone or tablet and achieve the same result? Well, yes. But BLOK doesn’t want you to know that. It wants you to subscribe to its cooking classes (via a subscription service, because of course it does).
BLOK’s cutting board wasn’t the only one to make a name for itself at CES. Versaware debuted its own, far better product at the convention too. They didn’t just throw a screen on it and call it a day. Real effort went into the Versaware chopping board, which pairs with a smart bowl. Both devices give the user nutritional information about what they’re busy cooking. Owners just scan a product’s barcode on the chopping board and get cooking.
If you’d like to buy the BLOK cutting board, you’d need to be rich enough to throw away $700 (R12,000). Or just plain stupid. Tack on that $40 (R700/m) subscription and you’ve got yourself one of the biggest money-wasters at CES. Juicero, anyone?
The fifth sense
OVR-Technology, a start-up based in Vermont, used its time at CES to expand on its current product – an add-on to VR devices that gives the wearer the ability to smell in the virtual worlds. Awesome…
The device pairs with gaming consoles, mobile phones, or desktop PCs to give VR users an extra sense while they’re in the virtual world. According to OVR CEO and co-founder Aaron Wisniewski, smells are important to our limbic system, influencing our emotions and behaviour. Adding smell to VR would change how we react to the worlds we’re seeing.
Obviously, it can’t produce every smell. Even if it could, we wouldn’t want it to. Certain smells aren’t meant to be replicated. Though, if you’re playing Toilet Management Simulator on Steam (yes, that’s real) you may be a bit miffed about the lack of reality.
Samsung NFTVs
We wish that we thought up that name in the subheading above. But no, it was a comment seen somewhere on the Internet. To whoever that was: thank you. What surprised us most, however, was the fact that Samsung didn’t come up with that name either. Come on, it’s right there. NFTVs. It’s brilliant.
It goes to show that whoever is behind Samsung’s NFT on TVs platform shouldn’t be in charge. And if we’re being honest, the platform shouldn’t even exist in the first place. Yet here we are. Writing about it.
“With the Samsung NFT Platform, you can browse, purchase, and enjoy your favourite NFTs right from your Samsung TV.” Samsung kicked off its NFT campaign with a bald-faced lie. We at Stuff will not be browsing, purchasing, or enjoying any NFTs on our TV. The Pale Blue Eye is enough for us.
The platform is coming to all of Samsung’s newer TVs, and it’ll do exactly what Samsung says it will do. Users can buy NFTs right from their TV and display them proudly for all friends and family to see. Though we’d recommend keeping your NFT purchases secret. You might end up on one of Twitter’s best pages. Don’t do that.
And if you thought that these NFTs might be “cheap” given what’s happening in the crypto world, you were wrong. On Samsung’s website, it shows off an NFT going for $2,100 (R35,000) for a picture. A picture that we could easily screenshot and display right here. Because NFTs are stupid.
