Okay, body assessment is getting a bit silly now. The Dekoda is a very pricey camera made by Kohler, of bathroom fame. It’s designed, perhaps obviously (though we wish it wasn’t), to peer down into your toilet bowl and tell you what it sees there. Like you don’t already know.
When you’re watching a chocolate submarine swirl its way to some distant destination, you probably can’t “[decode] your body’s signals, translating them into personalized insights on gut health, hydration, and more.” Can you? No, you need a R10,500 ($600) camera to do that.
Is the Dekoda a crappy idea?
The Kohler Dekoda is apparently up for pre-order at the moment, though we weren’t able to view the page when we checked it out for ourselves. But several reports about the gadget exist, as well as a tasteful (well, more tasteful than we’re being) YouTube overview from Koher itself (above). So it’s obviously a real thing. Whether you’re willing to spend money on a camera that watches you drop the kids off at the pool is a question only you can answer.
The camera is secured by end-to-end encryption, though buyers also need to shell out between R1,200 and R2,700 for a poo-based subscription service to use the Dekoda. The privacy angle is obvious — nobody wants the world to see what Cornwallace and his mates are up to in the porcelain jacuzzi. Kohler maintains that it’ll never see your face, presumably unless you’ve got a habit of lifting the camera and talking to it. We get it, you’re a Twitch streamer. Leave your other streams alone, for goodness’ sake.
This isn’t the first product of its type. If Stuff had heard of Throne’s very similar product back when it was announced (exactly a year ago), we would have made similar jokes at its expense. Instead, here we are wondering exactly how Kohler’s Dekoda decodes a deuce. Please, please say there’s spatter analysis and slow-motion playback of the point of entry, like the diving event in the Olympics. Please?
