So you’re stuck at the office. Everyone else is on leave. There’s no supervision? Time to bust out the browser-based video games and hope that the IT guys are feeling just as slack as you are at the end of 2023. Seriously, enough is enough. Can this year just end already?
While you’re attempting to slog through the last few days, there’s a smidge of hope on the horizon. Hope in the form of time-wasters, designed to get you through the tedious and empty hours you have to fill while your customer base is (mostly) splashing around in the ocean. Where you should be.
Car Boot Carnage
This browser-based game is a little like Tetris… actually, it’s a lot like Tetris. It just has the added holiday-themed stylings that come with being tasked with packing a car boot for various vacation outings. Since you’re stuck at an office, you’re not going to do this in real life but you could perhaps get away with it while your boss isn’t looking. Of course, if your boss is already at the coast, how are they going to see what you’re up to? Oh. Right. The IT guy is probably monitoring your clicks to ensure that ‘productivity remains high during the festive season’.
Cookie Clicker
This is the original time-waster and it’s legitimately addictive. You don’t need to play it in a browser to experience the indescribable joy of a bunch of useless numbers going up. It’s also available on Android and Steam, so you can set it up in a place you can tab away from if a supervisor heads down to check on you. Cookie Clicker kinda-sorta plays itself but you’re given just enough to do to feel like you’re contributing to the overall success of the enterprise. Does that remind you of anyone? Never mind, also check out the festive-themed additions to the upgrades system. That’ll make it all better.
FreeCiv
There’s no such thing as ‘one’ game of Civilisation and FreeCiv makes it even harder to avoid starting up a game by being entirely free to play. It’s not quite the same thing as Sid Meier’s long-running hour-eater but it’s close enough. You’re tasked with building up a small settlement into a world-beating civilisation, whether you’re playing against the computer or against other online humans also stuck in the office while the rest of the world has buggered off to have some downtime. You’ll get ’em next year. In the meantime, world domination awaits.
i-Spy
Picture Where’s Wally but without a single character to look out for. Instead, you’ve got to spot a changing target. Even better, you’re timed. But at least the large, detailed pictures (which might put you in mind of Sergio Aragonés) are full of interesting things to look at while you attempt to hunt down and click on the next randomly chosen element. Some of these people, critters, and items are exceedingly well hidden but we’re sure you can turn it into some sort of zen-browser practice if you keep at it long enough.
LCD Games
Office workers of a certain age will remember some of these things. The little battery-powered handheld games console that you could never afford as a kid is now a completely free browser-based game so you can head back and revisit the childhood you should have had. The reproductions are pretty faithful and enough to make you grateful for the current state of video games. Anybody who thinks that an older video game is an easier one will be very rapidly disillusioned after loading up one of these classic titles.
Mobs Inc.
This is a browser-based dungeon crawler with a difference. One that you’ll be at least somewhat familiar with if you ever played Dungeon Keeper. You’re a minion in a dungeon and your job is to leap about and kill heroes before they get in a good enough swing to finish you off. Do that and you’ll piss off your boss who will dispense a warning. Catch four of these and your hulking demonic boss will fire you. It’s a lot like being caught playing this game while you’re on the clock but we won’t say anything if you don’t.
Solitaire
It’s 2023. Not everyone has Solitaire on their computer anymore. The staple of the terminally bored office worker, odds are someone in the IT department has purged it from your office machine in a bid to boost productivity. But you don’t have to take that lying down. Challenge the system. Sort cards into painstaking piles. Repeat this action once you’ve achieved success (or completely failed to reach your objective).
Spelunky
Once upon a time, Spelunky was on every video game list you clicked. Now, you’ll only ever see it in places like this. Which is fine. Spelunky has found new life as a browser-based game. It’s happy there. And so are we, because we get to roam these randomly-generated maps in search of loot without having to leave the comfort of our air-conditioned offices. Who needs holidays and outside and other people doing… things. Not us. Haha. Not us at all.
Tetris
Ah, Tetris. The Russian video game is still capable of capturing minds and bending them to their will. As a bit of Soviet mind-control software, it’s incredible. As a motion picture, it was… okay. As a browser-based game, it’s entirely free and just as addictive as it was the first time it overtook hearts and minds back in 1984. Hmmm… there’s something familiar about that date but we’ll get to it later. One of those long pieces just dropped and we’re about to clear some meticulously constructed lines.
The Password Game
Earlier this year Stuff disappeared down the Password Game rabbit hole. For a while. It takes a certain sort of person to continually conform to the new and arbitrary rules that this game lays down as you attempt to construct the password needed to appease the cybersecurity gods. As it turns out, it’s easy to get sucked into password security. We’re sure that someone has posted the perfect password somewhere online, requiring just a copy-paste to ‘win’ but that’s hardly going to kill the hours you’re spending stuck alone at the office while everyone else goes to the beach. Will it?
The Wiki Game
Wikipedia: The Speedrun. That’s the basic concept behind The Wiki Game. You’re given a starting page. You’ve got to get to the end page in as few clicks as possible. Now that’s simple enough if you’ve got time to read each page but here, you’re playing against the clock. And other people. It’s a little like actually editing Wikipedia but you’re less likely to get into extensive online arguments about whether Mike Tyson’s tiger trainer is a legitimate primary source for the main page on boxing or not. At least, we don’t think that’s going to happen. Wikipedia races are weird, man.
